Conversation matters

Dialogue would have to start with talking to oneself, acknowledging one's own faults and strengths, coming to terms with oneself and recognising one's own needs. Only then can one enter into dialogue with others.

- Agata Bogacka

My girlfriend can tell my mood by small changes in my facial expression. Although my tone of voice often betrays me, even if I can control it, my body language does. I am very expressive when it comes to expressing emotions, I think I would make a poor spy. However, despite my expressiveness, I always try to be sincere with other people. So I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, and I try to express my emotions in a way that is clear and understandable to others. Finally, I believe that authenticity and honest expression of emotions are important in building good relationships with others.

Interaction with other people is the basis of our relationships in society. Although conversation may seem to be about talking, the most important part of conversation is empathetic listening. If we are not interested in what the other person has to say, and just wait for them to let us speak, they may lose interest in continuing the conversation. The linguistic philosopher Paul Grice suggests four rules for good conversation:

1. Give as much information as is necessary for the current purpose of the exchange.

2. Don't say something you're sure isn't true. Don't say anything you don't have a good basis for.

3. Your statements should be related to the topic of the conversation.

4. Be clear and transparent. Avoid vagueness and ambiguity. Speak concisely and in an orderly manner to make your speech easy to understand.

Remember that good communication is the key to building positive relationships with other people, and following the rules above will allow you to have a more effective and satisfying exchange of ideas and views. However, it is not only what we say that is important in a conversation, but also our posture. The way we sit, stand or walk can express different emotions. When we are sure of what we are saying, we tend to have an erect spine, which indicates a sense of security. Conversely, the so-called tortoise reflex, or pressing our head between our shoulders, can indicate an unwillingness to take responsibility for our words. It is worth noting that body posture can be divided into closed and open, which affects the interlocutor's perception of our intentions. That's why it's a good idea to control your posture and adjust it according to the situation you're in.

A closed posture gives the impression that we want to distance ourselves from the person we are talking to and that we are unlikely to be interested in the conversation. Then, like the turtle reflex, we cover the parts of the body most vulnerable to injury: the throat, abdomen and genitals. We avoid body and eye contact, keep our distance and usually talk about safe topics, such as the weather. When we expose sensitive body parts, we are opening up to the other person. In addition, when we feel comfortable, we close the distance, we want to be as close as possible to the other person, we sometimes put our hand on the other person's shoulder, we adopt a similar posture, we gesticulate more and we usually lower our tone of voice.

Grzegorz Załuski, a body language specialist, claims that statistically we lie every fifth time we say something. If, during a conversation, we see our interlocutor switch from an open posture to a closed one and start to cover the more sensitive parts of their body, they may be unconsciously giving us a signal that they are nervous about what they are talking about. However, these symptoms may or may not indicate a lie. Wrapping your hands around your chest, for example, is associated with adopting a closed posture, according to many self-help books, and on the other hand, we may simply be cold. But some things are out of our control. It is also worth remembering that body language is not just about facial expressions and posture, but also gestures, movements and even breathing. For example, rapid and shallow breathing can indicate stress, while slow and deep breathing can help you to calm down and concentrate.

A lie always wins. Two researchers from the University of Granada, Emilio Gómez Milán and Elvira Salazara López, observed that when we lie, the temperature at the tip of the nose and the inner corners of the eyes increases as a result of the anxiety we experience. They called this phenomenon the Pinocchio effect, after the 19th century novel by Carlo Collodi. Our nose may not lengthen, but its temperature increases.

Interpreting body language should not be the only criterion for judging truthfulness. There are various factors, such as fear, uncertainty or stress, which can influence the body's reactions and mislead us. It is therefore advisable to base your judgement on a holistic analysis of the situation and the interviewee's behaviour. It is easy to pigeonhole someone and this can have serious consequences.

In 1991, 17-year-old Martha, a student from Texas, was accused of murdering her 3-year-old brother. During her interrogation, in which she felt immense pressure from the police and her accusers, she pleaded guilty and was sentenced to life imprisonment. However, after 25 years, in 2016, she revealed that she had been coerced into giving false testimony and was finally released in 2018.

In conclusion, communication is a complex process that involves not only words, but also body language and the expression of emotions. Expressing your feelings honestly and having an open attitude are key to building positive relationships with other people. At the same time, it is useful to remember the principles of good conversation, such as giving accurate information, avoiding lies and expressing thoughts clearly and transparently. Controlling your posture and adapting it to the situation you find yourself in can help you communicate more effectively and build better relationships with others.